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I Married a Pastor? Yikes!
Posted by Dave Samples in Baptist Life, Church & Missions
“I never thought that I would be a pastor’s wife.”
I married an accountant. He graduated from Union University with an accounting degree and his goal was to work for a big company and make a lot of money. What happened? It certainly didn’t end up the way that I had anticipated. We had always been involved in the ministry in some form–youth work, teaching classes, doing mission trips, etc. However, I had never dreamed that God would lead us in another direction. As many pastor’s wives, I had a huge problem when I suddenly woke up and realized that I was a pastor’s wife. “I can’t do this Lord!” was my daily cry to God. I have no idea how to be pastor’s wife. I cried that out so often that I made myself sick. I didn’t realize that I had placed such a large expectation upon myself to be the “perfect” wife. It had darkened the joy right out of the ministry. I hated it!
One day my husband came home and tossed a book on the bed for me to read. The title was, Being a Minister’s Wife and Being Yourself, by Nancy Pannell. I began to understand that all I ever have to be is just be myself–the person that God created me to be. I began to focus on my gifts and strengths and to seek God in everything. I determined to do those things that He has called me to do. That same year I heard a woman speak at a staff wife’s retreat and I will never forget what she said because it changed my heart so much. She said, “I was never called to be a pastor’s wife.” I remember sitting up straight and holding on to every word. “I was never called to be a minister’s wife either,” I said in my heart. Then she spoke the words that hit hard. “But I was called to be Dan’s wife and wherever he goes I will go. Wherever he lays his head, I will lay mine. Wherever he serves, I will also serve.” From then on I was able to rise up and set my sights upon the Lord and His work–not the expectations of the church or anyone in the church, but only what God has called me to do and to be–His servant.
So, to all my fellow pastor’s wives, let me encourage you to take your eyes off of trying to be that perfect staff wife and place it instead upon the One who has called you to serve. God will give you direction in what you should do and where you should serve and you will learn that pleasing God is more important than pleasing those who expect so much from you. Your work is difficult ladies and your loads are heavy, but let us rise up with a strength that can only come from Christ and press onward to do His good work.
–Tina Kinsey Samples
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Few people impress me as much as a good, faithful pastor’s wife. It can also be one of the more difficult ministries. I believe God has great reward for them in this life and the next.
Very good article – even though it was not intended for me
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David R. Brumbelow
Hello David,
Thank you for the comment. I know that it can be very difficult for minister’s wives. I have many stories I could share of what Pastor’s wives have had to endure. It would shock you! – From one church where several deacon wives took it upon themsekves to take the hems out of the dresses of the Pastor’s wife (when she wasn’t home!) to another church making one family live inside the chruch – the only thing seperating them was a wall between them and a Sunday school class room. Not good – we covet your prayers.
Tina
Tina,
Wow, those are some interesting stories. Hang in there, we will reap if we faint not.
My mother was a preacher’s wife for over 50 years. She has some stories to tell as well. But she still thinks it is the greatest job in the world.
David R. Brumbelow
For those who may be interested in following Tina’s writing more closely, she blogs at http://www.tinasamples.blogspot.com.
Sister Tina,
Excellent words!
“I began to understand that all I ever have to be is just be myself–the person that God created me to be.”
My wife and I have come to understand that most women may have somehow absorbed the idea that a “pastor’s wife” is some “other” woman. But, if we begin to realize that God has always formed His church with men leading the congregation ….and that is a “normal thing”, …then it stands to reason that some of those men, probably most will be married. So in like manner, God has designed the church beautifully where the woman “should” look forward to how God will be edifying the church in her service.
I think you hit it squarely when you said….
“But I was called to be Dan’s wife and wherever he goes I will go. Wherever he lays his head, I will lay mine. Wherever he serves, I will also serve.”
Wow!…Thanks for realizing and living out that wonderful gift of faith.
Proverbs 31:10-12 An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. (11) The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain. (12) She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.
Way to go Dave!
Blessings to both of you,
Chris
Thank you Chris for your wonderful words of encouragement!
I feel very blessed to serve along side my husband at a church that does not place an overwhelming amount of expectations upon me or my husband. I have had opportunity to visit with many wives in the state of Colorado as well as Texas – many of which are weary and not that fortunate. It does cause my heart to grieve for the Pastor’s wives will never ever be able to rise up to the church’s quest for perfection. So often the pastor’s wife does not know what to do – they feel trapped, tired, and overworked at the task of trying and yet have a deep passion and desire to become only that which God has called, equiped, and led them to be. Trying to become a picture of what the church feels they should look like is almost too much for many of them to bear.
Be blessed – you and your wife – and please pray for those wives who are suffering.
Tina