My Pilgrimage

Posted by in Bible & Theology

I thought it might be fun to share my story in contextualized form. Some of the terminology or concepts may not be everyday language for many readers here at sbcIMPACT! If you have questions about anything you read below, please feel free to ask for clarification in the comment section. Two quick notes:

1. If you take issue with my use of the Arabic word “Allah” for the English word “God,” please read this post before commenting.
2. I typically share my testimony as a way of seeing if others are interested in hearing the Good News, not so much as a full doctrinal statement.

With those two notes in mind, here goes:

By Allah’s mercy, I was born into a respectable family. During my childhood, my parents taught me how to behave in a way that brought honor to our family and was righteous before Allah. In the West, we have many problems because people have ignored the writings of the Prophets. But my parents were good and taught me the Straight Path. From childhood, they taught us the writings of the Prophets and how Allah has always spoken to the children of Adam through His chosen Prophets. As an adult, I began to sit and think and meditate on Allah, on humanity and what Allah’s will for humanity is. It seems that He has made this very clear through the Prophets. They have always declared Allah’s will is for us to worship Him and Him alone. For us to love and obey Allah and to love and do good to others. This was clear to me.

But then I began reflecting on my own life. On the things I did. Did I truly worship Allah alone? Did I truly do good to all of my neighbors… ALL the children of Adam? Did my deeds really bring honor? Or did they bring shame? While doing this, I noticed many things I did that were not from the perfect religion of Allah. These things did not honor Him and were truly selfish. To some, they would seem like small mistakes, but after considering Allah’s will for us to worship Him completely, these very “small” mistakes were truly very shameful things. What I mean is that all things we put before Allah’s will of obeying Him and doing good to others is the same as committing shirk. Because we place these shameful things above Allah’s will, we make these evil desires equal with Allah.

So, I tried to stop doing these things. And, for a while, I thought I was able to win in this jihad. The problem was that the thoughts were always there, and sometimes I would fail and feel shameful once again. And really, even when I did not give in to the temptation, I still felt shameful on the inside. You know, I began to realize that perfect religion before Allah is not just what I do, but what is in my heart and my hidden desires. Allah requires a pure heart. This is because true worship of Allah and obedience to Him comes from a pure heart. Just like true love for the rest of humanity and good deeds for others comes from a pure heart.

When I realized this, I began sitting and meditating on my own heart and secret desires. It was like torture because I knew my heart was black and I could never succeed in this jihad. I wanted to be truly submitted to Allah and his will and I wanted to go to Paradise, but I also saw that my soul was black and did not know what to do. This was when I realized why I felt as if Allah was so far away. It was because He judges our hearts and hidden desires… and mine were shameful. At the same time, I had a friend, he was my closest friend and he seemed to be winning in this jihad. So, even though it was difficult to admit these things, even to a close friend, I told him of my struggle.

He said he struggled with the same thing — how to get rid of the darkness inside so he could truly win in jihad. I asked how he got rid of it. He told me. And it was difficult for me to believe that it was as simple as he said, but I decided to consider his words because I trusted him. He said that the only Prophet that could give us greater understanding of the Kingdom of Allah and true submission to His will was Isa Al-Masih. I asked why and he said there were many things to understand, but that the first thing I needed to understand is that he was pure and that purity is the only way to achieve nearness to Allah. As I studied the Torah, Zabur and Injil more and more, I came to see this is true. Finally, I was convinced only Isa Al-Masih was capable of helping me understand the Kingdom of Allah. So, I submitted to Allah’s will through Al-Masih.

Since then, my life has changed dramatically. Now, Allah speaks to me, He answers my prayers and I am continually learning to walk more and more on the Straight Path of Allah. The jihad is not over at all… I still struggle. However, each day I understand the Kingdom of Allah more and more. He has given me the power to be more obedient to the will of Allah each day. That is, I worship Him in a deeper way and draw nearer to Him and He gives me greater love for others. And now, I do not try to be obedient to Allah’s will with my own power, but He has changed my heart from black to pure and given me the power to walk on the Straight Path. All praise be to Allah!

Questions? Comments?

(NOTE: A list of terms and translations relevant to this post can be found here.)