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M & M’s and Me
Posted by SelahV in Bible & Theology
I love M&M’s. My granddaughter likes the almond-ones. She likes to suck off the candy and then hands me the nuts. That amazes me. Not long ago I tried to take one of those candy-coated chocolates and suck off the hard shell till I reached the chocolate center. Couldn’t do it. I wound up chewing on it. But even worse, I had to add a few more to the mix. They’re just so good together. Even though one is good, in and of itself, they are simply delightful in a bunch.
That is true of M&M’s. But it’s not always true of other things that group together. It matters to me that others see me as an individual. Yet, very little I do in life is scrutinized on an individual level. Women. Mothers. Wives. Ministers’ wives. American women. Christian women. Southern Baptist Women. Republican women. I am a part of all these groups, yet I cannot be described by others as part and parcel a bag of M&M’s because I’m not.
It matters to me what others think I believe and how I view things. I do not like to be lumped in with others who hold a viewpoint I do not hold. Sometimes, even though I am associated with others, those “others” have viewpoints and opinions that I do not hold. However, often we are known by our associations. Mama use to say, “Birds of a feather flock together”. This can be a difficult thing to overcome if one wants to be know as an individual with various positions that are held by group with whom they share some commonalities.
I am an American and proud to be one. I’ve always been proud to be an American. Yet, I’ve not always been proud of what each and every American says and does. I do not like that Middle Eastern countries view all Americans based on the actions of some. Yet, they do. We are synonymous with Hollywood. I do not like that a handful of judges can override the desires of the majority of constituents and legalize things that are contrary to my faith.
Recently, Sen. John McCain, soon-to-be Republican nominee for United States President, renounced the endorsements he’d received from well-known ministers, John Hagee and Rod Parsley. McCain didn’t want their endorsements because they made some disparaging remarks against Catholics and the Islam faith. The same thing happened not long ago with possible Democratic nominee, Barak Obama. Obama distanced himself from his pastor of 20-years, Jeremiah Wright, because Wright made controversial statements about the United States government and because he insinuated Obama’s motives were not authentic. McCain doesn’t agree with Hagee and Parsley, but he doesn’t want to alienate their congregations, either. Obama doesn’t agree with Wright, but he doesn’t want to alienate himself from people in his own congregation, either.
There’s been a lot of discussion of late where some hold the thought that being “Southern” Baptist, or even “Baptist”, presents a problem to growth prospects in a given town. I’ve even had one conversation (or two), with individuals who say that just being an American causes problems to the acceptance of the Gospel in their geographical locations. The term Christian receives negative responses everywhere.
Yet, in each of these situations–unlike the M&M’s–not all individuals are the same as the whole. Perception of the worst in the groups often seems to be held, rather than the best in these groups. It seems to me the only way we can thwart this negative “PR” is to become the best in whatever we do and say–as we are able. I should not be held responsible for others’ actions and words–but by association, I will be. And I have been. Most likely, you have experienced this also at some point in your life. One thing I find most effective for me is to address each accusation, question and situation as it comes to me, individually. I cannot do a lot about the whole, but I can do something about the space I occupy within the whole. And that’s all I am responsible for at the moment. May God give me grace and wisdom to faithfully represent Him with honor–no matter who I’m standing next to. selahV
[copyrighted, SelahV Today, 2008]
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I like chocolate as much as the next guy, but those things are SOOO hard to peel.
Well done, SelahV.
cb
SelahV,
This is one of the major reasons why regenerate church membership is so much more than an abstract principle of mental theology—it is a necessary reform to recover the integrity of our shared witness. No matter how much you or I might wish otherwise, part of the credentials for our testimony of faith is the example of every other member of our congregations in their daily lives.
Great post.
Many times our Churches have a lot of PR problems that we bring upon ourselves. A lot of times, it takes years to get over the image that a Church has in a community, but it can be done…with God’s help.
Also, I like peanut m&m’s…the party pack. I also like the almond ones. But, really, I’ve never turned down a good m&m.
David
I only have one question and that may influence my opinion of you for the rest of our lives, Mrs. V. You don’t eat those nuts…do you?
Bart, I’m wondering. Would you agree that just as many would argue for the regenerate church membership, there are many who would argue that to define it and adhere to the disciplines of scripture that it could become legalistic in its pursuit? I have a hard time wrapping my mind around exactly how this will be accomplished. Some will say one thing, others will say another, just as they are doing with the BF&M and other issues. It makes for quite a challenge. selahV
Volfan, I so agree that some churches have reputations. But it takes people to give them the rep and people to undo the rep. In many cases, it takes generations to live it down–just as it is taking Southern Baptist to live up to their stand on slavery. We must persevere in it all and do the best we can do to eat our part of the elephant. And that is not nearly as appetizing as M&M’s. selahV
Tony~~
I’ll never tell. selahV
SelahV,
From the Constitution & Bylaws we are developing at FBC Farmersville (so this is a draft):
“An ongoing pattern of initiating church discipline against fellow members in a frivolous and unsubstantiated manner or in a haughty and arrogant spirit shall itself be considered a breach of the Church Covenant and subject to an action of church discipline.”
We’re thinking THAT might curb the wrongful abuse of church discipline.
Also, I believe that the procedure laid down by Christ, when actually followed, tends to minimize wrongful abuse of church discipline. It is easier to be judgmentally hard-hearted at a distance than face-to-face. Thus, the constitution says:
“Upon receiving a motion and a second to exclude a member from church membership, the moderator shall immediately recognize the member making the motion to specify the breach of the Church Covenant alleged as well as the time, place, members in attendance, and outcomes of the meetings constituting [the first two steps of church discipline given in Matthew 18]. If the member cannot satisfactorily provide the details of those meetings, the moderator shall immediately rule the motion out of order until such time as the provisions of Matthew 18:15-17 shall have been completed.”
So, here’s what we’re doing to keep church discipline from getting out of hand.
1. Only violations of the Church Covenant can constitute grounds for dismissal. So it matters how you word your Church Covenant (we’re still working on that).
2. If the Matthew 18 procedure is skirted at all, the whole thing comes to a halt.
3. Abuse of the concept of church discipline is, itself, a disciplinable offense.
Finally, this is one of the areas in which congregationalism presumes regenerate church membership. We don’t have bad business meetings here—at least, haven’t yet. One reason is our constant emphasis that Jesus is the Lord of the church, that we have no right to pursue personal agendas in the Lord’s church, and that our job is to follow the leadership of the Spirit. If we do that, and do it well, I think we’ll can be trusted to do something commanded to us in the Bible.
In the hands of lost people, church discipline could be a fearful thing. In the hands of regenerate Christians honestly and faithfully trying to follow Christ, it is an irreplaceable preservative of the church’s witness.
Bart: Wow, this is some serious stuff. thanks for sharing it. Is Farmersville an old church? selahV
For me, of all the different associations I have with other people, by far, the most transcendent is with all those who make up the Body of Christ. There are many issues over which I may disagree with a true brother or sister in Christ. But, at the end of the day, if they are truly my brother of sister, that is what really matters. We choose our friendships, but our family relationships remain with us through thick and thin. We can neglect them. But, bottom line, they are still family.
I believe we should love non-believers, and do all we can to minister the love of God to them. But there is a special bond, a special tie, with all those who are brothers and sisters in Christ, no matter their background or denomination or race or nationalilty, to which I believe Jesus would have me give my heartfelt attention. And, it is this association, this family tie, that I believes trumps every other association or loyalty or label that we may have here on Earth.
That is another reason why regenerate church membership is important. We share this bond with all those who are truly regenerate, but not necessarily with all those who are merely “church members.”
SelahV,
1865.
BTW, I favor the peanut Tear N Share bag of M&Ms
David…couldn’t agree with you more. However, many times the closest relationships are due to the opportunity we have to share fellowship with one another on a regular basis because we are members in the same church. Others I’ve met right here in blogland. God has truly blessed me with lots of blogging sisters and brothers. selahV
Bart, that is a remarkable endeavor given the age of your church body. Someday you’ll have to post on how it all came about. Like where you began the discussions for it–sermons, deacons’ meetings, etc. It could really help to know these things. selahV
Bart…p.s. Of course I realize it is a work in progress. That makes it all the more exciting. At least to me. selahV
SelahV,
Yes, that is true. If we always had to have the same level of fellowship with all Christians all around the world, that level would, by default, be pretty low. By the same token, I have found that in most churches of any size at all, the same dynamic exists to a certain extent even within the congregation itself. Thus, the need for small groups, in order to facilitate a deeper level of fellowship with a certain subset of Christ’s Body. At the same time, though, I believe we should keep an attitude of openness and desire for greater fellowship with all the members of Christ’s Body, whenever that opportunity might present itself. Also, my agreement on how I think about certain issues should not be the main criterion I use when deciding with whom I am going to share a deeper level of fellowship. Our fellowship is based primarily on a common bond with a common Savior, not on agreement in ways of thinking on particular issues. Nevertheless, we tend to be drawn to want to fellowship with those who are most like us. I believe Jesus would have us work more and more towards breaking down these natural barriers, and embracing all those who are truly a part of his Body.
David Rogers,
Don’t forget that “special bond” the next time I pick a fight with you.
cb
SelahV,
I enjoyed this post… but I disagree – Peanut Butter M&Ms are the way to go.
You said, “It seems to me the only way we can thwart this negative “PR” is to become the best in whatever we do and say–as we are able.”
This reminds me of something that may not be true, but something I believe. A long time ago, Christians were preferred by employers because they were the ones who worked the hardest, had the best work ethic, etc. If it isn’t true, it should be. But I don’t necessarily think we need to become the “best” but we should be examples of people who try the hardest (in all endeavors, not just work).
David,
I’ve recently used this analogy on another blog, but when I think of the relationships we have with the Church, I think of a web of spider webs. As you drill into the web you find smaller, tighter parts of the whole. But each strand is connected to another. I think this model most closely fits what I’ve been seeing you describe.
God’s Glory,
Lew
The Pursuit Online Store
David, that is a given. Of course the small groups such as Sun. School (which is the heartbeat of relationships) make for the greater depth in a relationship–no matter what size the church is. Nevertheless, folks with varying faiths (albeit, brothers and sisters) do have other barriers we must scale to develop those deeper relationships that are not present in our own faith. Can’t tell you how many young people I counseled about the differences in faith making a difference in the marital relationships later on who have not heeded my counsel and who later returned to say how very difficult it is to deal with that in their marriages. Or would you say I counseled wrongly there? selahV
Lew, thanks, but I’d rather eat a dozen Reese Cups. Yummy.
I have known several non-Christians who were better workers than Christians–more loyal, dependable etc. It all goes without saying that we Christians are to be the salt and light we are made to be when we receive the Light of the World. In every aspect of our lives. selahV
CB,
Yes, that special bond includes you too.
Lew,
Yes, I think the spider web example illustrates very well what I’m talking about.
SelahV,
My answer to your question depends somewhat on how you are using the term “faiths.” If you include people of other religions, or even of “Christian” groups that are not truly born again, then I would definitely agree with your counsel. In this case, I would even go further and warn the believing member of the couple about not being “unequally yoked.”
If, however, you merely mean different denomiational backgrounds, I think there is a much more solid foundation from which to form a successful marriage. However, since I believe the ideal is for a married couple, and the children God may give them, to fellowship on a local and deeper level with the same Christian “subset,” there will be certain issues about which there must be a mutual understanding in order to avoid undue conflict. However, we are never going to agree with anyone on 100% of the issues that might divide us, not even our spouse. The important thing, I guess, is a mutual submission to the Word of God, and a commitment to grow together in knowledge of the Word of God, and relationship with the Father and the Son, and the rest of the family as well.
SelahV,
I have known professional criminals who were more loyal to their friends that many Christians. And they worked harder also. Of course, they worked mostly at night when people, in general, don’t know how hard they worked.
cb
David…how true. “a mutual submission to the Word of God, and a commitment to grow together in knowledge of the Word of God.” selahV
[...] community. It’s fellowship in the deepest sense of the word. It’s about celebrating – to borrow from Harriet’s analogy – the different colors and flavors of all the M&M’s in the bowl. It’s about lives [...]
We should even defend Christians that we disagree with.
For instance, CB Scott doesn’t have a clue of what he’s talking about with regard to ball caps or sports teams, but I’m proud to call him a brother in Christ and I’ll take a hit for him any day.
Seriously – the mob takes “family” very seriously. We Christians could learn a lot from that.
[...] to a community. It’s fellowship in the deepest sense of the word. It’s about celebrating – to borrow from Harriet’s analogy – the different colors and flavors of all the M&M’s in the bowl. It’s about lives well [...]
You never cease to make me hungry when I read your posts! Hungry for M&M’s and hungry for God’s Word. I like being “individual” in many aspects. I like to stand out as a teacher for the unique way I do things. I like the way God has given me special gifts and abilities to serve Him. BUT, I love the way he made me so much like my sisters that we can finish each other’s sentences. We all share the same memories from childhood. We all share a bond in Christ. So, I guess I like being uniquely the same.
[...] to a community. It’s fellowship in the deepest sense of the word. It’s about celebrating – to borrow from Hariette’s analogy – the different colors and flavors of all the M&M’s in the bowl. It’s about lives well [...]