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Confession and Community

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An angry church member caught the pastor at the door after the worship service.

“Why is it you always preach on sin? Can’t you find something else to preach about? It seems all I ever here from the pulpit anymore is sin! Don’t you know that sin in the life of a Christian is different from sin in the life of a non-Christian?”

“Oh, yes, I know that,” the pastor responded. “It’s much worse.”

If it is somewhere American Christians should receive a check in the “needs improvement” column, it would be in the area of confessing sin. Let’s face it. Every one of us struggles with a sin of some sort. We have a “pet sin” that we keep hidden, we don’t talk about, and it only comes out when no one is looking. Deep in the heart, we know we struggle with it, and deeper still is the realization that that sin is hindering growth in Christ.

“Well, if only I could overcome…”

Let’s consider a verse.

Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man avails much. James 5:16

To one another? Surely you jest. Here is yet another place where rugged American individualism has trumped biblical fidelity. Should a Christian hear the confession of another Christian? This hits a little too closely to what Protestantism found itself fleeing from about 500 years ago. Too few Christians are willing to hear another Christian’s confession. However, what healing, power, and freedom reside in that confession!

I have counseled with Christians whose demeanors have radically changed because of unconfessed sin, have spiraled into the depths of depression because of unconfessed sin, and live in the grip of the fear that the other shoe will eventually drop because of unconfessed sin. Who can blame a brother or sister who abjectly refuses to talk to another about struggling with the tough stuff?

I sat one morning for breakfast with a men’s group and they had decided to try this “confessing to one another” thing. This was a much less spiritually mature (I know, I’m assuming a lot claiming spiritual maturity) me and after all was said and done, I left shocked and disturbed from what I had just been witness. I recoiled in horror from what I had heard and my sins paled in comparison.

The group had not given way to some bizarre form of one-upmanship, but the reality (and necessity) of confessing sins to one another left me cold. Honestly, I thought I was going to need counseling myself after hearing what I had heard. We talk a lot about sinfulness but very little about individual, troubling, paralyzing sins. When someone sins in a way unfamiliar to our own pattern of sinfulness, our knee-jerk is judgment and ultimately, gradation. “Well, my sin isn’t nearly as bad as his.”

The fact is all our sins deserve punishment. As I have grown older and somewhat wiser, I have come to better understand the depth of my own depravity. While my brothers’ sins were certainly different from mine, my sins still deserved hell. The same Christ who cleansed my small sins was the same Christ who cleansed their big sins. No matter what gradations we assign to a moral failure, there isn’t much difference between my sins that deserve hell and my brothers’ sins that deserve hell.

You are probably like me in that you have to learn everything the hard way. We need to be more ready with grace and empathy rather than the usual response of spiritual superiority. High and mighty is not the Christian way. That cudgel that we often wield is most likely the reason many of our brothers and sisters remain in bondage to stubborn sin.

The deacon who secretly drinks; the pastor’s wife with the eating disorder; the porn addict; the much-admired Christian businessman who habitually lies to clients; the Christian counselor who despises himself; the judgmental; the trapped and lonely; all need a grace-seasoned environment to confess and receive healing, forgiveness, and liberation.

Too often our self-righteousness leaves our brethren in a prison of doubt and fear. “Will I lose my standing at church? Will I lose my friends? Will I lose…?” By confessing sins to one another, we bring an extra level of accountability into the equation. It doesn’t mean we will not fail again, but the chances are a lot more slim. Imagine a brother or sister whom you trust that can ask you the tough questions. The church would be a much safer place.