tagged: Church, Church Life, Guest Authors

Conflict Resolution in the Church

Posted by Guest Author in Uncategorized

This post has been provided by a guest author who is a regular reader at sbc IMPACT! It was written anonymously. Here is the author’s explanation why:

“I have chosen to write this article anonymously. Although God has blessed me with the opportunity to serve in a church who has been very positive in their support of leadership, I don’t want anyone to misconstrue my intent as if it is birthed out of my own frustrating ministry setting. Rather, this is written out of a hurting heart as I watch a number of my friends in ministry struggle in their churches because of this problem. So, to protect from misguided impression occurring about my current ministry setting I will remain anonymous.”

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It’s been said that there are two things that are certain in life. One would be death and the other taxes. If I can, I’d like to add one more and that is the certainty that at some point your pastor will probably make you mad. Now I’m like anyone else who has been a student at Bible college and/or seminary or who has served in a ministry setting. I’ve heard the horror stories about the pastor who moved the pews and got fired, and the pastor who changed the order of service and was fired, but I’m not really talking about that. I’m more concerned, I guess, with the everyday decisions that occur in every church that cause angst among the membership. It’s unavoidable, really, if you have more than two people in your church.

Whether the pastor is choosing to change the size of the bulletin, or the timing of the announcements or something much bigger like the color of the carpet or the number of verses of “Just as I Am” that we sing during the invitation, it is altogether understood that at some point we will be displeased with our leadership. Historically it seems as though our modus operandi at this point is to either pout, to talk behind their back, or to simply leave the church. In fact, most of us have heard the jokes that Southern Baptist’s best method of church planting comes from church splits who start new works. Recently, to my point, I laughed when I heard another pastor claim that a congregation had “felt God lead them to start a new work” when I knew that they actually were mad at the previous church and would be starting their new congregation on the same property as another local Baptist church. In fact, the two churches would sit some 200 yards apart. Unbelievable, isn’t it?

So the question of what to do when you arrive at a place where you are upset with church leadership is certainly a pertinent one, and one that most of us will certainly face at some point. In the spirit of helpfulness, and as a pastor who has previously had my own frustrations with various persons in positions of leadership over me, I’d like to offer a few recommendations for your consideration if you find yourself upset concerning a decision by church leadership.

1. Pray – I’m often amazed at how little prayer goes in to the questioning of decisions. That’s not to say that we shouldn’t sometimes question decisions. We should, by all means, when it is appropriate. Regardless of timing, however, it is always appropriate timing to pray. Prayer seems to do a number of things. First it calms us down. We get so emotional when it comes to decisions in our churches. When we are in the midst of frustration, we should avoid confrontation. Prayer for the persons involved (serious, devoted prayer) benefits them as they become the recipient of intercession, and it benefits us as we settle down, listen for God’s voice, and humble ourselves to intercede on their behalf. Secondly, though, prayer seems to change things, amazingly enough. (James 5:16) You may find that if the situation is dire enough, God is preceding you as you work through the situation in prayer.

2. Listen – You would be amazed at how many people rail against decisions without fully understanding the decisions. I guess it’s somewhat like our commitment to theology in our churches. We are confident we know what is right and what is wrong, we’re just not nearly as confident that we know why it is right or wrong. Before we crusade against a decision, why don’t you take some time to sit down with leadership and honestly ask them to explain. I have a feeling they would love to. Beyond that, though, pastors have, on occasion, been known to make unwise decisions off the cuff. It may just be that your quiet, humble willingness to listen and engage is the encouragement the leader needs to repeal a bad decision. If you bust in determined to simply destroy it I have a feeling that more than one pastor’s ego (unfortunately enough) would get the best of them and they would stubbornly refuse to back down in spite of their poor decision making.

3. Study – In other words, study the rationale behind the decision. Your pastor is a regular guy, but he is also a regular guy who generally lives to see your church succeed. He is probably making decisions with incredible thought and foresight. He has often spent a significant time in preparation before you approach him. He generally desperately wants your church to succeed and makes decisions accordingly. If you approach him without having also invested in the concept, he may struggle to consider your thoughts. If you study the concept, however, and come to him prepared he is probably going to be more willing to sit down and consider you. On the flip side, you may find that through your study your pastor’s opinion is actually confirmed in your own heart.

4. Support – Finally ask yourself if your opposition to the decision is grounded in a love for God and passion to reach people (Mark 12:30-31) or whether it is an issue of personal comfort for you. If your frustration is grounded in your love for God and passion for people, than by all means please confront and firmly expect commitment to God’s word. If, however, you find that your opposition is grounded in personal discomfort and you know that your pastor is working to love God and reach people, than maybe it would be appropriate to consider swallowing the personal discomfort for the sake of the gospel. It certainly won’t be easy but it will, however, be a sign of your maturity in the faith.