Missions and Family
January 3rd, 2008 by David RogersPosted in David Rogers, Family, Ministry, Missions |
In my missionary ministry, I have determined not to intentionally do anything that I know will cause my immediate family to suffer, whether spiritually, emotionally, or physically. This determination has caused me, on several occasions, to make some very difficult choices. This has really hit home when it involved saying ‘no’ to a particular ministry opportunity, and even, on occasion, leaving behind a productive ministry situation, for the benefit of my family.
Paul, in 1 Corinthians chapter 7, recommended singleness as a viable option for missions (and ministry in general). In Kelly’s and my 17 years on the mission field, we have known several single missionaries (both male and female) who, as a result of their singleness, have no doubt been more effective in their particular ministry than they might have been otherwise. In a lot of ways, having a family “complicates” your life. As Paul says in verses 33-34: “a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided,” and “a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.”
On other occasions, and in other contexts, though, we have seen how being married, and having a family, can be a distinct advantage in regard to ministry effectiveness. For those who are married, and who struggle with the challenges of parenting, it is many times preferable to receive the spiritual ministry of someone who, by personal experience, is able to identify with their situation. In order to have a truly effective discipling ministry, though, it is necessary to be a good example in our own family life to those we are discipling.
Even Paul, in the midst of his singleness, saw the need, on occasion, to defer in ministry to the welfare of those who shared a special “family-type” relationship to him. In 2 Corinthians 2:12-13, for example, he states: Now when I went to Troas to preach the gospel of Christ and found that the Lord had opened a door for me, I still had no peace of mind, because I did not find my brother Titus there. So I said good-by to them and went on to Macedonia. In Titus 1:4, we learn that Paul considered Titus as his “true son” in the faith. It is evident he considered several young ministry partners, including Titus, Timothy, and perhaps a few others, as his “adoptive family,” and had a special concern for them which he did not share indiscriminately with everyone else.
On the other hand, we have the examples of men like William Carey, Adoniram Judson, Hudson Taylor, and C.T. Studd, to name a few, who, in several important aspects, placed the welfare of their immediate family in great risk for the advance of God’s kingdom. I think we should be extremely hesitant to judge the choices of these spiritual giants whom God used so greatly. However, at times, I wonder if they really provide the best examples for us to follow in our quest to be faithful to God’s expectations for us.
I do not rule out the possibility that God may, on occasion, specifically guide someone into circumstances that might place their family at risk. He did tell Abraham to sacrifice his son, and, although He ended up providing a substitute, Abraham was obedient to God’s directive. Romans 16:3-4 says that Priscilla and Aquila risked their lives for the benefit of their friend and ministry partner, Paul. On the other hand, I believe it can be argued that Lot, in spite of being a righteous man himself, undermined his family’s spiritual well-being, by choosing to raise them, apart from adequate support from the family of faith, in a place as ungodly as Sodom.
As missionaries, who are called to shine as lights in spiritually dark places, it can sometimes be hard to strike a good balance. It has been said (and I believe correctly) that “the safest place to be is in the center of God’s will.” But, unless He specifically guides us otherwise, I believe the center of God’s will normally includes taking the necessary steps to care for and nurture my family, and to protect them, as best I know how, from spiritual, emotional or physical harm.
On many occasions, however, the most spiritually healthy place is not necessarily the place of the greatest comfort and ease. Indeed, some have used the supposed welfare of their family as an excuse for not doing more for the advance of the kingdom of God. Undoubtedly, some Christian parents inappropriately use spending time with their families as a pretext for not being more involved in ministry and committed to church activities.
On the other hand, though, I have personally observed some who, in their zeal for fulfilling the task they believed God had given them, have neglected the needs of their family, and suffered as a consequence. By no means, though, would I ever want to minimize my respect for those who, in obedience to God’s call, choose to raise their families in the “hard places.”
As with many other aspects of the Christian life, the key, in regard to all this, is maintaining a proper balance. Even for those who may never serve on a foreign field, these are relevant issues that all must face from time to time. For those of us who have made the decision to give our lives and raise our families in a place far from “home,” though, these are questions that have the potential to either “make us or break us.” Many times, however, struggles in this area are not necessarily the first thing we open up and share with others.
It is my hope that these thoughts will provide some helpful insights as you pray for the missionaries you know. Maybe, in some cases, they will even help give a little better understanding of how to offer support and wise counsel. Perhaps, they might even lead some to consider their own ministry, and family life, and make more biblically informed choices.
What lessons has God taught you in relation to balancing priorities of family and ministry?
16 Responses to “Missions and Family”
By Tim Rogers on Jan 3, 2008 at 5:16 am
Brother David,
Who is the family in the picture. I have never seen your family, but I have you. That is not you in that picture. He has too much hair. :^)
Great thoughts. As I believe I shared with you, I began pastoral ministry as a single person. I was able to do many things then that I am not able to do now. Also, now I am able to do many things that I was not able to do single.
Blessings,
Tim
By Geoff Baggett on Jan 3, 2008 at 6:41 am
Tim,
That’s just a picture of a missionary family linked from a Baptist church’s web site.
By volfan007 on Jan 3, 2008 at 6:46 am
david r.,
not only do i agree with every word that you’ve written here, i appreciated it. God bless you and your family.
david
By David Rogers on Jan 3, 2008 at 7:32 am
Tim,
You can see a slightly dated picture of my family here:
http://loveeachstone.blogspot.com/2006/12/merry-christmas-from-spain.html
By Roger Ferrell on Jan 3, 2008 at 9:45 am
David,
I am actually preaching on family and calling this Sunday from Psalm 96:7. This has been a constant tension in my life, neglecting my kids for ministry. They are always around, but rarely the focus. I have tried to correct this in several ways. For example, all of our leaders rotate in leading communion, teaching, etc. so that we may occasionally take communion or worship with our families. Also, I try now to take more time off than I used to just to be with them. And sometimes, I, eek, actually turn off my cellphone!
We served with our family in the “hard place” of Maine for six years (not that Maine is hard like Africa, but it was hard for us). Now that we are in Georgia, I find that I must try harder to engage our kids in the mission of the church. We all have a tendency to get lazy here and forget our calling to the gospel. I actually feel we were healthier and more in-this-thing-together when the kids were smaller, we had less stuff, were poorer, and were in a place where almost no one knows Christ.
I’m trying to balance all this and praying much over it these days, so I very much appreciate your post.
By David Rogers on Jan 3, 2008 at 10:04 am
David,
Thanks for the comment. I’m glad it was helpful for you.
Roger,
I agree with you that being on mission for God in the “hard places” can sometimes bring us together, in a special way, as a family. Some of the closest, healthiest families I have known have been on the mission field.
It is also true that different stages of life bring different challenges. Adolescence has a tendency to be a particularly challenging challenge.
I affirm you in the steps you are taking to spend more quality time with your family.
By Cyle on Jan 3, 2008 at 12:18 pm
David, thank you for the article. You’re right about the tension between our ministries. There are four things in our lives that have made this easier for me to deal with.
First, we homeschool. Our daughter is 15 and our son 11. They have never known anything but homeschool. That means we get to be together alot. I have to say that I really don’t know how people with kids in public school do it, especially full-time church staff people.
Second, I live in a parsonage. I’m across the parking lot from my office. As big a pain as that can be, it is also an incredible blessing. I am almost always accessible to my family. I see my wife and kids alot every day.
Third, we have had a cell group in our home for the past 5 years. My kids like cell group. It’s just what we do. Sometimes we all wish we weren’t having it, but that’s not very often.
Fourth, we do ministry together as much as possible, and that is often. From mission trips, to nursing home visits, to pro-life rallies, to politics, we do it together.
We have never talked to our kids about separating their Christianity from their lives. Everything we do is on mission with God. So, as they talk about their future, I am careful not to call any occupation they might consider a secular occupation. If my son becomes a Marine, it will be for God’s glory. If my daughter becomes a Physician’s Assistant, it will be for God’s glory.
All that said, I am currently working on a month long sabbatical this year. It will be good for me and my family, but my kids will probably rather be home doing what they always do.
By David Rogers on Jan 3, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Cyle,
Thanks for sharing the practical lessons God is teaching you. I love the idea of helping your children to feel they are really a part of your ministry, and not separating their Christianity from the rest of their lives.
By Roger Ferrell on Jan 3, 2008 at 9:03 pm
Cyle,
Man, we have much in common: the homeschooling, the parsonage, and the home group. I just have not been doing those things as long as you have, only 2 years. I am praying that as we continue in these patterns, they will bless my family and draw my kids closer to Jesus.
I, too, am scheduled for a month-long sabbatical this year. I am hoping that I will be able to take it and like you, that my kids don’t complain about being away from home that long!
My boys and I had a 3 hour conversation in their bedroom last night about their calling, scripture, and not wasting their lives. It was such a blessing, and I thank God for that time.
By SelahV on Jan 4, 2008 at 1:52 am
David, thanks for focusing on the needs of families in ministry. One of the things I tried to do through the years when I prayed for missionaries (and when I taught others how to pray for them) was to consider myself and my struggles and my needs at the moment. Then I would pray for their needs just like I did my own. Missionaries and ministers are people. They hurt, they get tired, they get lonely, they get sick, and they get weary and sometimes discouraged. It’s especially good to ask God to give them a miracle in their lives to increase their faith.
I’ll never forget Mr. and Mrs. Fudge. I cannot remember where they were serving as missionaries anymore, but every night my little girl would pray for them and their family by name. She did that for years.
Ministry isn’t for the faint of heart. The solitude of service in the midst of a larger congregation can be just as daunting as the solitude found in the outer recesses of various places. Each of us can pray for one another for the very things we need ourselves on any particular day and I’m sure we will not pray amiss. God bless you and your precious family. selahV
By David Rogers on Jan 4, 2008 at 9:09 am
SelahV,
I believe the enemy attacks the families of those of us in ministry in a special way. I also believe the prayers of God’s people do much to counteract the attacks of the enemy. Thank you for praying for missionaries in the way you have described, and teaching others to do so as well.
By C. P. on Jan 4, 2008 at 8:23 pm
Thank you for this post. My family and I are planning to be on the mission field by fall of 2008. My husband and I have looked at many opportunities and one of the priorities, besides the obvious call of God, was to find a place where our kids could adapt. Hearing that you put your family as a priority in missions is very encouraging. I seldom hear people speak from this perspective. I don’t criticize anyone from missionary families who send their kids to boarding schools, but I for one could not do it. God gave me those kids for a reason, and I will raise them as He directs me.
By David Rogers on Jan 5, 2008 at 7:23 am
C.P.,
Psalm 127:3-4 says: “Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth.”
I’m with you. I want every opportunity to mold my children myself before “shooting them out” into the world. I hope God will lead you to just the right assignment where you can make the biggest impact, both on the lost world, as well as on the little “arrows” you are raising up.
By Russell on Jan 6, 2008 at 3:24 am
Well stated, David.
DT 6:4-9 Love God and teach your kids to do the same. Jesus validates it as supremely important.
When we do MT 28:18-20 what do we teach people? We teach them DT 6:4-9 as early as possible since Jesus said it was supremely important. There are times when we teach our childrent to love the Lord through courageous sacrifice but the burden of clarity is extraodinarily high. If my kids would have died when we lived in a remote village setting I believe I could have prayed like Job. God had called us there and we would take the good and the bad. If I now take them somewhere on a whim, even the US, and do so without a clear calling, I don’t know how I would respond to tragedy. Probably with guilt.
The tragedy that Geoff shared illustrates the idea. Our lives are a vapor. We do not know how things will end or when. All we can do is be faithful and be at peace when we tend to those under our charge with all wisdom and prudence.
As an aside, there has been a surge of a problem in some Asian churches because the call to ministry (to others) is usurping the call to family (though they should be a primary ministry). Second and third generation believers struggle to see what’s so good about the Good News when it is proportionally directed at others far away so much more than to them.
By David Rogers on Jan 7, 2008 at 8:57 am
Russell,
I appreciate the field-tested testimony of obedience and God’s faithfulness you share here.
What you say about the Asian churches is very interesting as well as reason for concern. It has been interesting in my experience with the Adrian Rogers Pastor Training Institute in India (as well as the testimony of my brother’s experience in Kenya), to observe that the message that has seemed to make the most impact, and be received as the most revolutionary, is the one on priority of family in the ministry. This seems to be a novel concept for many, if not most, in that part of the world. It does indeed seem like corners we cut in missions in order to make an immediate impact come back to bite us in the foot later.
By Bryan Riley on Jan 8, 2008 at 8:10 pm
I think it is a matter of God’s call on your life. I have heard clearly a call to go on mission as a family and to help mobilize other families as well. As they say about families who pray together, I believe that families who go on mission together stay together.