How to Be a Boring Preacher tagged: , ,

How to Be a Boring Preacher

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Our guest author today is Doug Munton. He has been the Pastor of First Baptist Church in O’Fallon, Illinois, since 1995. He is a graduate of Wheaton College and earned his M.Div. and Ph.D. from Southwestern Baptist Seminary. He is the author of ‘Seven Steps to Becoming a Healthy Christian Leader’. His hobbies include astrophysics (he doesn’t know what that means but it sounds interesting to him) and brain surgery (he hasn’t actually tried it yet but is looking for someone to practice on).

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When I asked others about what I should blog about they said “write about what you know!” Thus the title of my guest post. :)

Let’s imagine that preachers really wanted to take the exciting, powerful gospel message and make it seem as tedious as a public reading of the phone book. Imagine that the goal of preachers was a congregation which is drowsy, disinterested and daydreaming. Well, have I got help for you!

I’ve come up with a list of ten ways you or your pastor can make the gospel seem glum. Here are some suggestions for sucking the life out of the Book of Life. Time will stand still for your congregation if you will only follow these simple suggestions.

  1. Never use stories or illustrations. Why would a preacher bother to use stories that capture interest and reveal new insights? Only attention holding preachers would do such things. Besides, if Jesus wanted us to use stories, he would have done that. (Wait a minute…) The truth is, a well placed story, while never able to replace good exposition, can teach us while it gathers our attention.
  2. Stop studying and learning. A great way to become a boring preacher is to stop reading, stop thinking and rely on old preparation. I’ve yet to meet an attention holding preacher who wasn’t also an avid reader. (Except for a blind pastor who listened to tapes constantly.) One cannot stay fresh without consistent study habits.
  3. Remove passion from the pulpit. Attention holding preachers have a contagious enthusiasm for their subject. Passion can be expressed in different ways- volume, tone, emotions- but you know it when you see it. Preacher, if you don’t care about your message, what are the chances that others will? Passion can’t make up for missing content, but how can we have the great content of the Bible and not be passionate about it?
  4. Always be the hero. Some preachers seem to be the heroes of every story and apparently never have struggles like the poor miscreants they preach to. I don’t know if that makes them boring preachers or just bores. But after a while, the veneer of perfection wears off the preacher. Be real. Real preachers have real problems. I’m not saying you must publicly confess every private sin. But sharing some of your victories and defeats can help others on the same journey.
  5. Repeat, go over again, be repetitive and repeat. Be redundant. Repeat yourself. Then be repetitive. Wait, they might not get it unless you say it several more times. Repeat it again. Redundancy is next to godliness. Make sure to repeat. Redundancy is next to godliness.
  6. If you don’t know what to say, take a long time to say it. Boring preachers seem to make their weakest point their longest point. Attention holding preachers make progress, move on and keep going. Interesting preachers say, “If in doubt, move on.” Boring preachers say, “If in doubt, drone on.”
  7. Make excessive use of catch phrases. Have you known a 13 year old girl who says “like” as a part of every sentence? (“I was like, no way, and she was like, I can’t believe it, and I was like…”) Preacher, do children count how many times you say “uh” or “consequently” or “thusly”? You get extra boring credit when you use catch phrases which are also poor grammatically like “irregardless”.
  8. Never stray from the formula. Perhaps you could use three points every time you preach. Make every sermon sound alike. Never do anything remotely different. Never have a surprise. Be completely predictable.
  9. Neglect your devotional life. Stop growing spiritually. Just coast on home. Only read the Bible in connection with your sermon preparation. Attention holding preachers, however, know that a good source of never ending sermon material is a life of deep devotion to the word and the Lord. The cup overflowing with the joy of the Lord tends to spill on others.
  10. Disconnect the message from real life. Boring preachers make the sermon about theory and not about practice. Christianity is a nice concept that seems to have no connection whatsoever to the congregation’s real life. Attention holding preachers concern themselves with application of the exposition. They apply the truth to the real life issues of their hearers.

Okay, there are some of my ideas for how to make the living word of God seem dull and lifeless. Maybe you have some ideas of your own. Now, I’m not a preacher-basher. I love preachers and this wonderful and challenging task God gives us of preaching the Bible. But we can all stand to learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others. And we have all heard (or delivered) boring sermons. So, with the idea of doing the opposite, how would you make a preacher boring?