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Time to Love the Church
Posted by Roger Ferrell in Uncategorized
Uh-oh, it’s my turn to write a post for sbc IMPACT. How will I ever find the time? - Roger Ferrell, 9:39 Monday morning
Several of our recent posts have turned to the issue of time management, and they got me thinking about how I choose to spend my time, particularly in the area of helping folks in our church body. Though our congregation is small, there are always needs, and always wonderful opportunities to love others through helping them with various projects, helping fix things that are broken, watching their kids when they need a date, passing on their resume for a needed job, lunching with a guy for informal counsel, and on and on and on. There are cars that need repair; there is advice to be given, and friends of friends to check on, pray for, talk with, meet.
I have struggled for 10 years as a pastor to determine how I should best use my time. I think we all do, especially those of you who have a full-time job and responsibilities at your church as a deacon, small group leader or bible study teacher. I know that I am blessed to be a full-time pastor. But the decisions about time management are still hard.
So here are a few thoughts on the subject, a few parameters, if you will, for taking time to love “church” people. I’d love to hear yours!
First, love in the right order. What did Jesus say was the greatest commandment? To love God. And the second, he said, is like it – to love your neighbor. So loving others is no excuse for neglecting our time with God. It is the spring from which we wash the wounds of others and if it dries up, we’re all in bad shape. Then we must love our families and spend adequate time with them, first our wives or husbands, then our kids, so that the sustenance of these relationships gives strength to serve others. So I try to unapologetically love in the right order, which means appointments with my kids or a date with my wife does not get canceled just because someone needs something or wants to talk. I used to tell our deacons at our church in Maine that if someone died on Monday (my day off and often only extended time with Caroline and the kids), to “bury em.” That may sound callous, but I think they got my point.
Second, try to minister in ways that are doubly good. We have two young couples in our church that are finishing out space in their homes. One has no kids, plenty of space already and just wants a hang out/ media room. The other has a new baby, and is finishing out a bonus room to rent to the husband’s brother, which will also get the brother out of an apartment with some very irresponsible guys who are bad influences on him. The rent money will allow the wife to stay home with her new baby, instead of going back to work at a department store and putting him in daycare. Guess where I helped sheetrock on Saturday? I don’t mind helping our folks and they are wonderful about helping us fix cars or our plumbing, but I try to apply the rule of “doubly good”, that is, to pick the choice that helps more than one person or family and advances the gospel. The same rule applies with helping folks search for jobs. Generally, we don’t just help someone get a better job. I help give that guy’s job to someone who needs it, and so on down the line. So the first guy goes management, the second gets his job driving the truck, the third gets the landscaping job and out of the fast food place. It doesn’t always work out this way, but by knowing multiple needs for jobs, and multiple needs for good workers, we can help a bunch of folks at once.
Third, share the joy of serving with those who can help better than you can. I don’t fix cars, because I don’t know how to do that. But Larry does. So I introduce him to those who need car repair, and he joyfully does what I cannot do. Recently a man in our church was diagnosed with diabetes. So this week, I am connecting him with one of our small group leaders who was diagnosed with diabetes last year. He can counsel and encourage in this situation in a way that I cannot. So share the burden and the joy of serving with others.
Fourth, don’t give in to the “tyranny of the urgent.” My mom gave me this advice. She said people always need you right then, and always feel like their need is urgent. But if everyone has to meet, talk, or get help right now, then how long can you maintain that breakneck pace? You have to decide if they need you now, or if they can wait until after you’ve put your kids to bed. So sometimes I let voice mail pick up, and then determine when I should call back.
Fifth, give priority to those who will commit to helping others. I know I cannot do it all. So we have a church covenant that requires our members to serve, give, come and connect. So I gravitate toward helping those who agree to be part of this process. Yes, I have friends who are Christians who are not members of my church, some of whom have been visiting several churches (including ours) for a long time without committing to one. But sometimes I have to tell them “no.” They are my friends but they are not in the field with me in a “koinonia” fellowship. We’re not working the task together. So church members have to come first, not because I don’t care about those on the outside, but because I do care, and these folks have agreed to help me “spread joy to the world.” So an investment in them always means others benefit down the line.
Sixth, avoid “takers.” We all know people who claim Christ who show up for church one week out of four, always wanting something. If someone is a taker, but claims to be a believer and refuses to sign our church covenant and be part of the process, I won’t help them. I don’t even answer their calls after a while. If people are continually unwilling to help others, serve in the nursery, be on a ministry team, or something, then I just tell them I am sorry they don’t feel they can covenant with our church and I let the relationship go. I will not get sucked into the black hole of selfishness. On the other hand, when we do help someone, and they express gratitude, we try to immediately find a way they can help others, so we can pass it on.
Well, that’s it for today. I don’t have all the answers, but I hope this helps. Feel free to add your own to the list.
And I hope as you serve others this week, that it is not a burden, but a joy. I hope you are not burned out, used up or beat up. I hope you take time to rest and refuel. And I hope you remember to serve in the name of Jesus and that we are able, and called, to love others because He first loved us.
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Roger,
I appreciate your concern for time management. I think we should be very careful with how we use our time. Especially in America, where time is money … and we should be good stewards.
From my understanding of scripture, the best way to “manage” time is to allow God to do it for you. I don’t want to waste my time worrying about which project best serves the most people, or whether or not someone has signed a covenant before I can serve them. I think our time is best used and best managed when we serve the people God has placed in our lives at any given moment.
We can never “know” how many people will be blessed by our service and a covenant is not a biblical basis to decide who does and does not receive our service. Those who are followers of Christ are part of the church — making a disctintion between those brothers and sisters who sign a piece of paper and those who don’t seems a little odd to me.
By the way, what kind of service can we expect from people who are “required” to do so? I would much rather serve people because I want to. I know I appreciate it much more when I’m in need and people serve me because they want to… not because they signed a covenant.
Just my two cents.
God’s Glory,
Lew
The Pursuit Online Store
I don’t have time to share all my thoughts
I will say however, there is true joy in serving the Risen Savior and when a person is focused on the Cross, focused on pleasing Him through whatever passion He gives them, time doesn’t seem to be a problem. Conversely, during those dry, stale valley’s of my walk, time indeed is not my friend and I tend to be always short of it. Most likely because my focus has shifted back to the flesh.
Good and solid, Roger. Too often I get caught up trying to connect those on the fringe rather than serving, and serving with those already on board. I don’t take time to rest and refuel. Good reminder, thanks.
Cyle
Lew,
I appreciate your comments. Looks like this might turn into a discussion on church covenants, which might ought to be another post. But let me just say that I am so glad that at Woodland Creek, we don’t just serve others when we want to. I think that would be very disappointing, indeed. Our covenant does not require us to serve one another; the love of God and the commands of scripture do that. Our covenant says that we acknowledge those commands and commit to acting on them, even when we don’t feel like it. I don’t always “want” to serve others, and they don’t always “want” to serve me either. But we do it because we promised to do it and because we love God and each other.
I would encourage you to check out covenants, though. They certainly are biblical and most new churches have them. And Paul’s teachings echo here as well. 2 Thessalonians 3:10 says, “if anyone is not wiling to work, let him not eat.” And Galatians 5:13 says, “You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature ; rather, serve one another in love.” And Peter wrote, “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.”
So if folks who claim to be Christians refuse to serve others, they are in disobedience to God. Our covenant allows a mechanism to exercise church discipline with these folks. But the best discipline is preventative: by agreeing to the covenant, they are reminded of who they are in Christ, and what they are supposed to do. And it has worked beautifully here.
Unfortunately, your statement “those who are followers of Christ are part of the church” is more complex than it seems. There are many in our area who claim to follow Christ but refuse to commit to a local church. They visit us once a month, go somewhere else once a month and skip two weeks a month. They are not in small groups, do not serve in the church, do not give but do ask for things. And unfortunately, we have enough folks who need help every week that we have to choose. Thus the parameters above. Like I said in my post, I don’t have all the answers and appreciate the suggestions of others. So how do you choose when you have to choose?
I have been out of pocket for a while and unable to comment. My little brother got married this past weekend and then getting back and playing catch up, and all those other time-consuming things, I actually have some spare time to comment on blogs!
Seriously, Roger, this post resonates with me. With five younguns the balancing act is really hard sometimes. I have at times had to forgo a day off to attend to ministry needs but I always make it up to my family. Thankfully, my wife is just as committed to the ministry as I am so she understands. Some of my dear brothers do not have as understanding a wife so I am very blessed in that regards.
She also plays an accountability role and lets me know (quickly!) when I have placed ministry needs above the more important needs of family and spiritual nourishment. So, all that being said, I just wanted to praise my wonderful wife.
Thanks for a good post Roger.
Roger,
Awesome very practical post! I think you share a lot of wisdom with us here.
A key area in which I have found it is hard, as “ministers,” to maintain balance is giving time and priority to your family as opposed to others. There are ruts on both sides of the road to avoid. I have seen some, for example, who spend so much time doing entertainment type things with their family, they are not able to help others very much. And, I think we also all know people who have ruined their “ministry” by neglecting their family’s needs. May God give us wisdom!
Also, I would love to pursue Lew’s idea a little further as it is something I have been thinking about a lot as well lately.
Do you think we are to carry out the “one another” exhortations in Scripture with all believers, or just those with whom we enter into a formal “covenant” relationship? Do we not have an implicit covenant with all the family of faith?
Roger,
I wasn’t trying to turn the conversation into one about covenants. Even when I was writing my comment I felt that I talked about the covenant to much… that was not my intention. I got “require” from your sentence, “we have a church covenant that requires our members to serve, give, come and connect.” Sorry if I misunderstood what you meant.
We agree that God commands us to serve, I guess that’s all I need. A covenant does not give me the authority to rebuke or correct one of our brothers, God does. Whether they sign a piece of paper or not, I still have the responsibility, at least, according to God. What they do with the discipline, discipleship, service attempts is between them and God. As far as I understand it, I am responsible to every brother that God puts in my life… not just those who I “covenant” with.
I am not sure what you meant by 2 Thessalonians 3:10. I understand that to mean that those brothers and sisters who are trying to leach off of the church should not be fed (assuming they are capable of working). I won’t open any cans of worms with that
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We my have to agree to disagree, but I think you might be making my statement about the church more complex than it needs to be
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To answer your question, “how do you choose when you have to choose?” I pretty much just let the chips fall where they may. I do what I can and ask for help from others when it is needed. I try to be as open and transparent as possible with those I am serving and those whom I am serving with.
God’s Glory,
Lew
Roger,
Sage advice. I really appreciate the insight.
As our young church has grown, I’ve found this issue more and more of a concern. In our early stages I, perhaps foolishly, gave a level of time to certain early attenders that I find myself no longer able to give. I would appreciate any insight you might have on how to transition their expectations of the level of involvement I am able to give now.
In the vein of transitioning expectations, I’m also curious about helping my wife and a few others take a step back and not allow the tyranny of the urgent ministry need to burn them out.
I’m also interested to hear your answer to David’s question.
Thanks for the post.
Lew,
Thanks for the insight. I think my biggest struggle is what to do with those that are part of the body of Christ, but just “trying out” our church, or who do not really join with us in true community but just come to worship. It is hard to exercise authority and discipline with those folks. And hard to have deep relationships with those who are only marginally committed. I’m never quite sure what to do with those folks, and I often feel guilty either a)that I neglect my family to serve those who are lazy or uncommitted or making poor choices or b)that I am neglecting to serve someone who needs my help. It is a tough area for me, so I appreciate your prayers and your thoughtful comments.
David,
I wrote a brilliant response to your question, but my modem went down for a minute and I lost it. But trust me, it was really, really good.
But here is the nutshell answer: yes, I do believe we have a responsibility to the whole body of Christ. My wife and I have dozens of friends through homeschooling, our work with church planting, etc. who we serve and minister with from time to time. But the bulk of our work is here through our local church, and there also lies the bulk of our responsibility. And the only way I know to meet all the needs of this “holy fellowship” is to covenant together to do that and have everyone participate as a giver and as a recipient of graceful giving.
Brad,
Sage the color or sage the herb?
Seriously, I feel your pain, but I don’t think it is ever foolish to spend time loving people. Just make sure they know that your relationship is not You Serve Them, but that all of you must serve one another. You can accomplish so much more with a multiplicity of gifts and abilities and people. Just tell them that and then help them discover their gifts and let them serve. Resist the inclination to do everything yourself, even if you or your wife can do it better than anyone else. Sometimes we have to let the initial quality of work suffer in order to engage more people. As their skills and commitment improve, your ministry will be far more effective than it could have been if you did it all on your own.
My wife is like Tony’s. She loves to serve and loves ministry. So occasionally I have to gently tell her she is overextending herself, like when she offered two nights ago to serve as wedding planner for a young couple in our church. I reminded her that we both agreed not to take on any more big projects without praying it through. So she went to the couple and told them she could help, but not coordinate everything and that her love for them inclined her to bite off more than she could probably chew. They understood completely and it is, as we say, “all good.” But sometimes she and I have to do that for each other.
Last, I highly recommend training people in small groups to care for one another so it does not all fall on your plate. And I recommend the book “simple church” by Thom Rainer and Eric Geiger for its good insight into this subject.
Roger,
I had lunch with my family today, and so I asked them if I worked too much. My wife and 14 year old said I was getting better, that I wasn’t putting in as many hours. My son thinks I work too much. I feel guilty if I’m not working excessively. It’s like a security blanket against criticism. I know that’s poor motivation, but there is also the desire to serve the King. And, in the back of my head, I wonder if Paul took a day off a week, worked 8 hour days, and took regular vacations. Of course, Paul was single and had no kids. So, what about Peter?
Cyle,
I know you don’t work 8 hour days.
Jesus only ministered for 3 years, but still took time off to be with his Father, took an extended sabbatical for prayer and fasting, went fishing with his friends, even attended weddings and dinner parties. And God himself rested (not because He needed to but because it was good to do so) after a week’s work.
God has called you to be a pastor, but he has also called you to be a husband and father. And He will hold you responsible for those in your household. Plus, He gave your wife to you as a helpmate and for you to enjoy her, and your kids to you for you both to treasure and train up in the Lord.
So go ahead and enjoy your family, and stop feeling guilty. Or did you think God needed you to accomplish his purposes?
Roger,
Thanks for your answer. What you are saying makes sense to me. But, then again, I sort of see Lew’s perspective as well. This is a question on which I hope to reflect a bit more deeply about in the future.